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  • Writer's pictureKara Lea

Dream-Sucking Black Hole

Do you see that picture? I was happily cleaning my kitchen (truly, it was enjoyable because it was quiet…ah the bliss!) when I turned and saw that my four-year-old had selected my favorite magnet from the black hole that is my towel drawer to proudly hang his own depiction of a black hole. And the irony struck me. Hollywood. Dreams of success. Holding up a printer paper drawing of…a black hole. Yyep. Sometimes when I think about my pursuit of acting, I can see Yukon Cornelius licking the pickaxe and saying, “Nuthin’.”

Luckily that’s only a fleeting thought.

The thought that follows is far more encouraging.

“You can’t rush art.” Bam.

I mean, if you’re a four-year-old and you want to beat your sister to the prime picture hanging spot on the refrigerator I suppose you can rush art, but you get me.

Acting was and remains one of my aspirations. I also desperately wanted to be a mom. I wanted to travel. I wanted to marry a particular pilot…and, well, I got what I wanted! And while I have not devoted my life to acting, it has been beautifully woven in to every stage of life. It is not the most abundant thread, but it’s definitely there and it stands out. I’m excited to see the lines grow a little thicker. It might possibly be directly related to the amount of lines on my face…hmmm…

For now, I’ll clean my kitchen in what my sister calls a “muumuu.” But it’s really, really not. It is not. It is flowy and I feel like a Greek goddess, so the “muumuu” will stay on meemee.

For now, I’ll read stories to my kids and do all the voices.

I will hurt laughing every time I watch “The Muppets.” That Swedish Chef, though! Slays me.

I will listen to podcasts aired by “successful people.”

I’ll audition and record as time allows.

I will hold those babies of mine.

If my husband is okay with my zero-turn radius destructor methods on a particular week, I will mow the lawn.

I will pull chunks of sucker off my daughter’s sweater.

I will play my farming video game. I’m making a killing, by the way. Nailing. It.

But, really. Intentional raising of humans takes an incredible amount of time and effort and I absolutely do not want to look back and wish I had only spent more time. It hurts right now, I will admit it. It is so hard. And it feels like it’s taking for-ev-er.

But you can’t rush art.

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